You might be wondering about the purpose of my headline. Before I start clarifying your doubt, let me narrate an incident that compelled me to pen this blog.
It is about a girl in the 10th standard, molested by two of her friends with whom she had gone to a hotel. When the helpless mother narrates her plight to the police, fingers are pointed at her, “Why did you allow your daughter to go?” - a blatant demonstration of the callousness of our law protectors in treating a social malaise. Quite expectedly, the culprits are on the run, with the police giving false hopes to the family that they are trying to nab the youngsters.
It is just another of those uncountable instances that keep happening and getting reported about young girls falling prey to the distorted erotic behaviour of the opposite gender.
In some cases, the victims pluck up the courage to report the incident to the police, while others never see the light of day. Even those which get reported, are necessarily not all actioned. Because, quite often, the offenders are too powerful, armed with an abundance of money and/or muscle. So, they manage to bend the law to suit themselves while the hopeless families bend down to the men of power in a fragile attempt to survive.
As a result, quite often, victims’ families do not report the unfortunate incidents for fear of ostracization from society. Fear looms large in their minds, and rightly so.
Hence, the offenders continue to flourish, committing more such offences.
Our society continues to languish, silently.
Our daughters continue to suffer. Muted by the fingers pointing at them
And that is what raises a question in my mind.
Having been blessed with two loving daughters, I have always lived in a dilemma. Uncertainty gnaws at me every time my young ones seek my approval for going out with their friends.
Each time I am tempted to say “Yes!!!”, but I can’t; instead, I end up posing them a host of questions. As they answer my oft-repeated questions, albeit, with knotted eyebrows, I feel embarrassed. Embarrassed for not being able to trust them. I know I have reared them well, but the fear persists…
Bogged down by this fear, I end up policing them on the few occasions I accede to their requests. “Who all will be going with you? “, Who will pick up and drop you off?”, By when will you be back?”, along with innumerable Do’s and Don’ts - “Do not wear short dresses”, “Do not be late”, “Do share your location”, and the list goes on…
I feel trapped.
I want to tell them to go out and explore the world.
I want to tell them to tread the path yet untraveled.
I want to tell them to go and conquer the unseen.
But I end up being a miserable bundle of nerves, instead...
Talking to other mothers, I find them silently going through the same agony.
Unable to cope with the stress, some resort to extreme measures. Some parents escort the young one wherever she goes. Others hole up the poor ones within the house with a strict travel embargo.
Unfortunately, the outcome is not healthy in either case.
There is a lack of trust and transparency as the child stops sharing with the over-protective parents. The confidence of the child erodes and eventually ends up creating low self-esteem.
And, thus we, the helpless mothers of budding girls, struggle to find the answer to the question, “To let or not to let” ….
“To let or not to let” them spread their wings of freedom.
Interestingly, our peers blessed with male children, remain blissfully ignorant of our travails.
This needs to change; I believe so firmly.
A well-bred individual proves to be the protector of society, upholding the values of respect, honour, and dignity of fellow citizens. And that is what breeds a healthy society, weeding out the unhealthy elements.
So, I send out this clarion call to all parents, to mothers, especially, those who lay the foundation of the child.
Let us all own the responsibility to groom our young ones into responsible human beings, taking ownership of their actions and pledging to make this planet a better place to live in, for themselves as well as for others…
Let us feel safe to send out our daughters wherever their dreams take them.
Let us feel proud to have mothered sons who have grown up as gentlemen.
Let us feel privileged to have nurtured saplings that now protect the only home we all have in common.
Signing off now with the thought best summed up by Sadhguru in his pearls of wisdom, “A society which does not protect, respect, and honour its women can have no claim of being civilized.”
